Word Front Wares

Word Front Wares: Hide your shame!

Word Front brings you only the finest in garments and accessories, hand-made with loving care, containing no MSG and guaranteed to be 100% dolphin-free!

All of our garments are professionally plot printed on high-quality heavyweight material that will withstand years of wearing and washing.

To be apprised of new material as it is offered, simply sign up for our monthly newsletter. You know you want to.

Below you'll find all of our currently available designs in one handy page suitable for printing and framing. Click an image or link to see products available in that design scheme.

You may also browse all available products.

Designs Made Especially For YOU

Word

Your life is neither high nor low. You are the emotional Swiss. You know the meaning of 'meh.' While others may be winners or losers, YOU are a PARTICIPANT. Show them you don't care by donning this badge of indifference.

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Pluck Me, I'm Irish

Ah yes, there's nothing like a good ol' donnybrook or the scene of an Irish spring, a lilting aire, and no one bein' after me lucky charms... oh wait. Here's one for the Irish, who seem to take ethnic pride to a whole 'nother level. There's no use in being Irish unless you can wear a t-shirt letting people you know you are while you chomp on a potato and drink some beer! Pogue mahone!

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Fuck You, You're Irish

For those of you who are sick of all of those fucking "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" shirts, here's one to really put the Mick in "gimmick." This one's available in Northern Ireland orange or a more subtle green. Wear the orange one on St. Patrick's Day to really boil the potat... er, blood, of the Irish in your vicinity. Just don't hold us liable when they drunkenly beat you down!

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Jesus Was A Liberal

Do you ever feel your heart so full of compassion for the hungry multitude that you can't help handing out your last seven loaves and seven fishes in the wilderness? Do you see a leper, and your first thought isn't to run away, but to lay healing hands on him to stop his pus-ridden sores from peeling off? Do you regularly break bread at a table of tax collectors and sinners? Do you think the poor in spirit shall be first, while the usurious swine shall be last? Well then, my friend, you just might be a liberal, and that puts you in pretty good company! That puts you with Jesus. W.W.J.D., you ask? Well, he wouldn't have voted for that Pharisee, President Bush, that's for sure.

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Calvin & Hobbes: Golden Showers

What's more wholesome than the wonder of a little boy whose imagination brings his adorable stuffed tiger to life? Why, involving said tiger in sexual watersport fetish, of course! Calvin's pissed on Ford, Chevy, The Dallas Cowboys (they loved it), and President George W. Bush, but it's his ever faithful companion that really let him pop his nut.

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iCan'tHearYou

Excuse me, Mr. Supermarket Cashier, but did you just say something cuz iCan't hear you! iRock out therefore iAm, you know. iGo about my business, rocking out to pirated Coldplay tracks. Birds chirping? iDon't hear em. Breeze, what breeze? iWalk to school, rocking, iWalk home, always rocking. iCross the street. Oops, iGet hit by the crosstown bus. Couldn't hear that either. iDied.

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I Heart My Pussy

Do you wear silk lace panties when you know you're not going out? Do you call your gynecologist by his first name? Do you spend more than four hours in the shower? Does it take you two hands to count the times you've seen Vagina Monologues? Do you spend more time trimming the carpet than you do balancing your checkbook? Do you love your pussy? Then SHOW it you love it with this t-shirt.

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Fuck the Internet

You're a luddite and you want the whole world to know it. Everyone else is "googling" things and sending imail, while you're out LIVING your LIFE. Oh man, fuck the internet. Just fuck it.

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Have a Cock and a Smile

It taught the world to sing, added life, was the real thing, caught a wave, went with good times, was "it," and was something to be enjoyed. Always. Things just went better with it. This is no mere cola flavored soft drink, no this is... wait a minute... it says Cock!

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I Will Harsh Your Mellow

When we mentioned to an old friend from high school that we had started a t-shirt company, he said that he had always wanted a t-shirt that said "I Will Harsh Your Mellow" and that he wanted it in black. While we usually don't take requests or do custom orders, we'll take Marshall's cash, because we CAN.

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I Play for the Pink Team

We designed this shirt especially for Senator Rick Santorum's recent election campaign, but when we got the box of shirts back unopened we decided to release them to the general public. Whether you're on "shirts" or "skins," let everybody know you're really playing for the Pink Team!

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Make a Difference

Giving back to the community. Getting involved. Responding when it counts. Providing immediate relief. Without ACTION, these are just gerund clauses, people! Go out and make a difference, and wear this shirt while you're doing it!

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Pong

Gamers, celebrate the very first home video game console with this original Pong shirt. You may be winning, or you may be losing, depending on your outlook, but one thing's for sure, Pong started the revolution that ended with you living with your mother and never getting laid!

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My Other Car Is Your Mom

Sure my current ride ain't much. It needs a wash. It leaks oil. It's lost that new car smell. It is less than "pimped," to use the common parlance. But your mom still has all these things going for her, even the smell, and that's why I ride her whenever I can!

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Just Do It.

No need to boycott this shirt. It wasn't made by an eight year old from Bangladesh. At least, the design wasn't. We made that. Nike is Greek for Victory, so why does it make you feel like a loser? You can't even afford real Nikes, can you? That swoosh is mocking you. Do you wanna JUST DO IT? Do you? Go ahead, and wear this shirt while you're tying the noose.

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I Got Yer Dot.Com RIGHT HERE

Hey you. Yeah, that's right. YOU. I'm talkin' to you, fancy breeches. You got one a dem dot.com addresses? You got one a dem WW pages? Yeah, I figured you did, nancy boy. I got yer dot.com RIGHT HERE, bitch.

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My Brow is Higher Than Yours

Show the troglodytes, mouth breathers, and people who voted for Bush that you are highbrow all the way, and you know it. We printed this one with glow in the dark lettering, so when you're squinting to read James Joyce in a dark café, everyone will still know your brow is higher than theirs.

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I Don't Do Windows

You want a shirt that "just works"? Then let the world know that you don't do Windows XP, ME, NT, Vista, 95, 98, 2000, &c. Hopefully you DO do laundry, though. This shirt makes a perfect gift for every Mac, Linux, and OS/2 user on your shopping list (we're just kidding - we know there aren't any OS/2 users).

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I delight in my condition.

Have you ever felt so impossibly great that you did not have the words to describe the sensation? Have you ever wanted strangers to be able to ascertain your current state through the simple act of wearing a t-shirt? NOW YOU CAN! Wearing this shirt tells the world "I am capable. I am confident. The world is my oyster. I can overcome any obstacles that get in my way. I am happy, peaceful, and serene. I delight in my condition."

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We gonna play GOLF or are YOU gonna FUCK AROUND?

St. Joseph and God are getting in a few holes at the Holy Roller Country Club up in heaven, and St. Joe is having the game of his afterlife. He double-birdied his last shot and is delighting in his condition. He steps up to the tee, hauls back, and UNLEASHES with a fury that would raise hell. The ball goes screaming onto the green, landing a mere three inches from the cup. Understandably, St. Joe is feeling pretty cocky and says to God "Hey big guy, beat that!" God cracks his knuckles and whacks the ball, sending it toward the trees. It bounces off of one tree, then another, then another, until it rolls out on the other side of the woods and into the river, startling a beaver, who was building a dam, knocks it with his wide tail back onto the course. A deer picks it up into its mouth, spits the ball into the air, and St. Joe can't believe his eyes. What in blazes is going on here? The ball bounces off of another tree, rolls down a hill and goes airborne again, flying wildly through the air. With that an eagle swoops down, grabs the ball in its talons, soars into the sky and spirals back down again, circling around until it drops the ball into the hole. The ball bounces up out of the hole and lands right next to St. Joe's ball on the green. With that a squirrel runs out of the woods and rolls the ball along with his nose until it lands in the cup. "Hole in one," God chortles. St. Joe is FURIOUS. He throws down his club, kicks over God's golf bag and shouts "We gonna play GOLF, or are YOU gonna FUCK AROUND?" God's a real joker. That fuckin' guy!

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Spork You

Ever wanted to tell some one to fuck off, but were afraid to put it on a shirt and really get your message out there? Well, now you can make an anemic anti-social gesture and use an obscure utensil at the same time, as you've been wanting to do for your entire life.

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Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball

Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball. Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at. Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete. If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head. Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin. When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability. Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space. Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee. ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!

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This Time I'M Lucky Pierre

Being in the middle gets a bad rap. People talk about being stuck in the middle. Monkeys go there. We all bitch about the middle man, and who would ever wanna get caught between a rock and a hard place, right? But what about those times when being stuck in the middle is exactly where you want to be? What about those nights when it's your turn to play Lucky Pierre? Being in the middle ain't so bad, now is it? They don't call him 'Lucky' for nothing. After all, it is better to give AND receive at the same time. So make it your turn!

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I'd Rather Be Curling

Curling is the sport where they throw the stone down a sheet of ice and then sweep with those little brooms to make the rock go faster, slower, or change its direction to make it "curl." It's the talk of the 20th Olympic Winter Games in Torino, Italy! So while some people would rather be flying, fishing, or fucking, be sure to let everyone know YOU'D rather be curling!

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You Must Buy These Shirts!

Gotta catch 'em all! New designs are added each and every Wednesday, rain or shine. In the event of a water landing, your Word Front shirt may be used as a floatation device. Use only as directed.

These T-Shirts Make Great Gifts, Too!

Shipping is fast - usually within 24-48 hours, and we ship to many different countries where they talk all funny and stuff. You can choose an alternate shipping address when placing your order, and giftwrap service with an enclosed greeting card is available for a nominal fee. Nothing says "I want to get into your pants" like a t-shirt from Word Front.

You Must Have Them.

You can view every single one of our available products in several handy pages. Buy one today and get a second shirt of equal or lesser value for only twice the price. That's a thirty dollar value, absolutely yours if you act now!

Operators are standing by. Void where prohibited.